ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
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Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
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Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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