Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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