i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
