clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
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