Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
