Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
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I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
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My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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