Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
