dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
