this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
