She said her name was "party"
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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