I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I think I am morally bankrupt
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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