yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
