Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
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