You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
