The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
