I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
