Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
