curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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