I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
