My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
