Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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