ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I just pynch a tree in the face
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
