I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
3 2 1 whiskey
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
