dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
My vagina just recognized that song.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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