3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
did you just send me my own nude
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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