No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
