i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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