Kiss
Puke
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
