I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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