I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
