Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
