I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
