TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
my shit smells like andre
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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