I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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