6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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