This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
