Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
This house was built for laser tag.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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