I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
