nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
