You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Randomize
