I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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