Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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