a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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