69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
