We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
