some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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