i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
