I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
