It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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