there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
