is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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