Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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