I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
