At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
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She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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