My hair reeks of homosexuality.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
