Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
