So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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