Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
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