Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
