I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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