I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
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