Don't you send me to vm
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
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No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I want her autograph on my taint
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
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I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes